Becoming a big woman - Baubo and Mother Earth Drawings
|From my Sktechbook - Mother Earth figurine|
Last summer, I was enjoying the outcome of a healthy period when I spent entire afternoons jogging, swimming climbing up hills and doing pilates. I quit smoking and I only had some wine on the weekends.
It was one year ago I could wear tiny shorts and comfortably go out. I looked my best and felt healthy and lean like a feather.
One year later I look at myself in the mirror:
I find myself turning around and placing my hand on my belly, looking how much my body has changed. This morning, I found myself saying "oh dear god", at how much weight I have put while browsing some recent photos Matt has taken. "Oh wow, do I really look like that?" Haha, yes darling.
Although I have been doing my prenatal yoga and pilates since I started my pregnancy and managed to look fit during most of these months, I couldn't escape the unavoidable: I can clearly see a double chin, heavy cheeks, bulky thighs. I have become a big woman.
I ask: Where is the woman I was last year? Where is she?
And then I answer:
"Well, she will be back... she is having a break at the moment. She is letting her legs and arms grow so they can be strong and wide enough to carry her baby around. She is storing all that fat so she can nurture and able to stay up extra hours, saving energy for all those sleepless nights that will home ahead".
This is no longer about me, but about somebody else that is growing inside me.
To illustrate this post, I was looking for a patron saint for pregnant women. There are several, like St Margaret of Antioch and... some others. However, browsing through all the images, I found them a bit boring. something did not make sense. A virgin patron for pregnant women? No thank you.
I remembered that Clarisa Pinkola Estès, in her book Women Who Run With The Wolves mentioned Baubo, a Greek goddess that made goddess Demeter to laugh her belly out. I looked for how Baubo looked like, and she is basically a vagina, a laughing, wise, big belly.
I looked for more Mother Earth figurines on the internet. Snap! Yes, that makes sense. Big, bulky, figurines of Christian-less wild and busty Mother Earth. That feels more likely than all those virginal, slim, feathery delicate patron saints I found before.
So these are the two drawings I made today. My due day is around the corner so you can imagine I am reading everything about labour, contractions, pain, opening cervixes, all those bits that you don't want to talk about are becoming real. Drawing these goddesses have some how empowered me today. I can not agree more with Elena Skoko, whose blog "Memoirs of a Singing Birth" I just found while looking for some inspiration, that being pregnant make women closer to the divine. It makes absolutely sense to feed, get heavier and draw these bulky figures now.
|From my sketchbook - Goddess Baubo|
Thank you for reading!